2:00 am

I'll never understand my sleeping habits. I could easily sleep all day, and once the sun sets I am wide awake. I blame it somehow on my mother because she used to work night shifts and I feel like that rubbed off on me in some way. Don't ask... I'm just trying to justify blogging at such a ridiculous hour.

I am supposed to be waking up in about 7 hours to get ready to go to the beach with Becca and Casey. Leave it to graduating high school to start forming a circle of friends to hang out with. My own fault I suppose. I chose bad friends my first two years, got a serious boyfriend the third year and hung out with his circle of friends, and when we broke up in my final year I was forced to re-evaluate who I had in my life. Not a bad thing though in my opinion. This summer has been very good to me with friendships. I have gotten pretty close to a few friends, one of whom I feel very comfortable sharing ridiculous problems with and the others I love spending my nights with. And heck, 12 days from now I'll be living on a campus with approximately 35,000 students... I'm bound to form at least a few relationships out there.

I'm in a strange mood tonight. Not necessarily sad, but not at all happy either. I feel like laying under the stars with... well... anyone to be honest. Anyone who would have a conversation with me about something deep and profound. Perhaps something spiritual. I'm in the mood to discuss God and Heaven and the human soul, and how it all comes in to play when you're laying in the cool grass looking up at the universe surrounding you. To feel that small is so scary, but so beautiful at the same time, and I just want to talk about that with anyone who will listen. The comforting noise of crickets chirping is helping fuel this need also.

I wonder if I will still feel these things a week from Sunday when I'm living on a college campus. I wonder if my roommate will understand if I explain this feeling. I wonder if she's the type of girl who will go for a walk with me on a nice night like this and just talk and become best friends. I wonder if she'll stay up late with me when I'm having one of those nights when I just can't fall asleep because the world just has too much for me to think about. I don't mind this feeling at all though, just to make myself perfectly clear. I say I'm not happy, but it's not a bad feeling. I think it's a perfectly normal, perfectly healthy, perfectly perfect thing to feel at 2:00 am. It makes me feel alive in a weird way.

Maybe I should stop blogging now and actually try to fall asleep. The world's issues will be here tomorrow night, as will this blog. Til next we meet, I suppose.

Respectfully,
me