The last time I fell asleep before 2 am must have been while I was still out at UMass. That would mean for the past week and a half, I have been an insomniac. Now this is partly because the Massachusetts FFA State Convention was this past week and being a state officer I was required to pass up on sleep to ensure a successful convention for our members. All in all, I would say we were succesful in doing that. It ran smoothly with only minor bumps and obstacles.
This year I decided to re-run for an officer position once again. Wednesday morning rolled in, and just as I remember the exact moment I was elected, I will always remember the exact moment the last name was announced and I cried in front of almost 400 people because I was not chosen to serve another year.
Yes, I cried. I cried like a little baby. I was ushered out a side door into a kitchen and comforted by a state staff member, my former chapter advisor, my cousin who is a member, and my best friend who is a member. I probably stayed in that kitchen crying and too ashamed to leave for a good 10 minutes. I was hurt, and confused, and angry... and most of all I was embarassed.
However, I knew I faced a choice. I could turn bitter and angry, or I could walk back out with my head held high remembering all the amazing things this organization has done for me. I chose the later. I was hugged by so many people when I walked out of that kitchen. The very people who chose not to slate me came up to me crying. The new team gave me loving hugs, also crying, and telling me how much I deserve a position. My advisor gave me a huge hug and made it very clear to me this in no way meant I did a bad job. I got that from everyone. And what did I say to every single person? "I'm not done. Don't feel bad for me." I told every single person that in 362 days I would be back to try again, and that is exactly what I plan on doing. I stayed while the new team trained and laughed with them and had fun with them and made the best of the little time I had left with this group of people. I only hope they have stopped feeling bad for me and are ready to do all the amazing things I know they are capable of.
I started out last year saying, "If I can leave knowing I influenced even just one member, I will be happy." This statement holds true. Am I sad? Yes. More sad than I have ever been in my entire life if I can be perfectly honest on here. I have truly never felt so low.
BUT! That statement. That statement that I started the year off with... Well... Among the hugs and teary eyed people trying to console me after my upset were two young ladies from my chapter. They gave me big hugs, and through a mess of tears I tried to tell them how much they mean to me. I wasn't able to convey that message well enough and I am stopping by their high school tomorrow to explain it better, but these two young ladies have made this year the most fulfilling year of my life! I was told numerous times by them that they did not have a role model until they met me. I was told numerous times they want to be like me someday. Words can not descrive the way that makes me feel! Did I get re-elected? No. But I did impact at least these two young ladies in the year I did get to serve. And for them, I am staying strong and positive. I want to show them and teach them not only to be kind in victory, by gracious in defeat. You are only a failure when you give up and stop trying. I want them to take this one last lesson from me. And I want them to know as much as I have impacted them, they have impacted me.
As far as this next year goes... well my college has a chapter which is currently inactive, and I plan on changing that. I have been doing research and making preparations to return in the fall and make the UMass a strong chapter in the MA FFA Association. And then when convention time rolls around, you better believe there will be an application with my name on it! Why? I'm sure people will ask me that. Because if you're running for State Office, there should be two reasons: The FFA still has something to offer you, and you still have something to offer the members. I'm not done being molded, and I'm not done sharing the things that I have learned with the members. I will not stop. I will not give up. I have not failed. This is not the end, it is merely a crossroad. I can use this year to make myself an even stronger individual by remaining positive, or I can accept defeat and turn my back on an organization which has never turned it's back on me. Well I'm not about to become a bitter and angry person. I love the FFA. I will continue loving the FFA. And I will accept all obstacles God sets before me knowing He has a plan for me, and I am on a path that will lead to happiness.
Still smiling,
respectfully,
me
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
Beautiful Day
I know, I updated this recently. But today was just a very good day that I would like to share with the blogosphere!
Have you ever had one of those days where you wake up, feel refreshed, notice that it is sunny and warm after a long winter of frozen fingers and toes, and you are just so great full to be alive? Well that was how my lovely day began. I woke up and saw out my window that it was nice and sunny. I have a weather gadget right on the desktop of my laptop and saw that it was already around 50 degrees outside! Classes ran smooth, but I couldn't help but look out the window every now and then anticipating my afternoon outdoors! My Monday schedule has me done with classes at 12:05, at which time my roommate, two of my best friends, and my myself went out into the fresh air and decided right away to go out and study on the hill that 3 of us live on. It is a very nice and open grassy hill that looks out over campus. So I printed off a study guide and grabbed some blank flash cards while one of my friends grabbed some blankets, and we spent about two hours laying in the sun, studying, and taking a few breaks to climb tress. Now anyone who knows me understands that tree climbing has been my all time favorite hobby since I was old enough to know a tree was able to be climbed on, so this was very exciting in itself! After a while we decided to take a walk in to town because it was beautiful out and we had a few errands to run. I don't care how old you are, when you are a girl there is nothing more thrilling than walking around town and visiting all the small shops with cute shoes! And that is precisely what we did. Laughing and joking around and just enjoying each others company ALL afternoon! I ended my lovely day with a nice warm shower. And okay... it was probably just a little longer than usual.
I have good reason for the extra long shower though! You see, the shower is where I end up doing all my deep thinking. Honestly it's the only time of day I don't have anything to distract me from taking a little time to gather my thoughts and clear my mind. Today, all I could think of was "Next week is the MA FFA State Convention!" I can't believe it! The year went by incredibly fast. Before I became an officer, everyone was quick to tell me things like "It is a lot of fun!", "It is very rewarding!", and "It is a lot of work!" However, no one ever warned me about how many flips your stomach does realizing your year of service is coming to an end. I remember almost a year ago now exactly where I was. I remember the nom com process, I remember the nerves, and I very vividly remember waiting as the nom com read their report. Edwin was to the left of me, Alex Eastman to the right. Regina was sitting behind me. She held my right hand as Edwin held my left, and I have never felt so naseus! And then... I heard it. It was a blur, but I remember it. "Executive Committee," said David Rivera. I thought, "Yes! Okay, they picked an Executive Committee... good sign..." and then... "Megan Comeua and Amanda Gioacchini" YES! A flood of relief and fear and joy and EVERYTHING just flooded through my body as I hugged Edwin and saw Regina smile at me and jumped up all at once! And then Kelley ushered me up to the stage where I would stand, crying, waiting for the rest of my team to join me. It is something I will never EVER forget.
The rest of this year has been a similar flood of different emotions, but always that sense of pride and joy. The love for my team and this organization. The overwhelming sense of, "I'm doing something incredible right now." This year has been filled with so many great moments. I have learned more than I thought humanly possible. I just can't believe that in a little over a week... it's done. I am re-running, because I have the privelage of that option. Maybe I will get elected, maybe not. I know nom com will do what they think is best, and I have 100% confidence in them. Either way I know I will be fine. But also, whatever they decide, I know I will never ever get back the moments I had with THIS team. THIS team is done. Our year is over. We did everything to the best of our ability and I pray to God in the members eyes we have succeeded in giving them everything they desire and more. My head is still a mess of thoughts and memories and worries and anticipations, and my heart is growing heavy dreading saying goodbye to my team. But that time is almost here. And just like my beautiful day, this year has brought me such a sense of unwavering joy. A year I can look back on and think, "Thank God I am blessed with these moments that I can cherrish forever."
Until next we meet,
Respectuflly,
me
Have you ever had one of those days where you wake up, feel refreshed, notice that it is sunny and warm after a long winter of frozen fingers and toes, and you are just so great full to be alive? Well that was how my lovely day began. I woke up and saw out my window that it was nice and sunny. I have a weather gadget right on the desktop of my laptop and saw that it was already around 50 degrees outside! Classes ran smooth, but I couldn't help but look out the window every now and then anticipating my afternoon outdoors! My Monday schedule has me done with classes at 12:05, at which time my roommate, two of my best friends, and my myself went out into the fresh air and decided right away to go out and study on the hill that 3 of us live on. It is a very nice and open grassy hill that looks out over campus. So I printed off a study guide and grabbed some blank flash cards while one of my friends grabbed some blankets, and we spent about two hours laying in the sun, studying, and taking a few breaks to climb tress. Now anyone who knows me understands that tree climbing has been my all time favorite hobby since I was old enough to know a tree was able to be climbed on, so this was very exciting in itself! After a while we decided to take a walk in to town because it was beautiful out and we had a few errands to run. I don't care how old you are, when you are a girl there is nothing more thrilling than walking around town and visiting all the small shops with cute shoes! And that is precisely what we did. Laughing and joking around and just enjoying each others company ALL afternoon! I ended my lovely day with a nice warm shower. And okay... it was probably just a little longer than usual.
I have good reason for the extra long shower though! You see, the shower is where I end up doing all my deep thinking. Honestly it's the only time of day I don't have anything to distract me from taking a little time to gather my thoughts and clear my mind. Today, all I could think of was "Next week is the MA FFA State Convention!" I can't believe it! The year went by incredibly fast. Before I became an officer, everyone was quick to tell me things like "It is a lot of fun!", "It is very rewarding!", and "It is a lot of work!" However, no one ever warned me about how many flips your stomach does realizing your year of service is coming to an end. I remember almost a year ago now exactly where I was. I remember the nom com process, I remember the nerves, and I very vividly remember waiting as the nom com read their report. Edwin was to the left of me, Alex Eastman to the right. Regina was sitting behind me. She held my right hand as Edwin held my left, and I have never felt so naseus! And then... I heard it. It was a blur, but I remember it. "Executive Committee," said David Rivera. I thought, "Yes! Okay, they picked an Executive Committee... good sign..." and then... "Megan Comeua and Amanda Gioacchini" YES! A flood of relief and fear and joy and EVERYTHING just flooded through my body as I hugged Edwin and saw Regina smile at me and jumped up all at once! And then Kelley ushered me up to the stage where I would stand, crying, waiting for the rest of my team to join me. It is something I will never EVER forget.
The rest of this year has been a similar flood of different emotions, but always that sense of pride and joy. The love for my team and this organization. The overwhelming sense of, "I'm doing something incredible right now." This year has been filled with so many great moments. I have learned more than I thought humanly possible. I just can't believe that in a little over a week... it's done. I am re-running, because I have the privelage of that option. Maybe I will get elected, maybe not. I know nom com will do what they think is best, and I have 100% confidence in them. Either way I know I will be fine. But also, whatever they decide, I know I will never ever get back the moments I had with THIS team. THIS team is done. Our year is over. We did everything to the best of our ability and I pray to God in the members eyes we have succeeded in giving them everything they desire and more. My head is still a mess of thoughts and memories and worries and anticipations, and my heart is growing heavy dreading saying goodbye to my team. But that time is almost here. And just like my beautiful day, this year has brought me such a sense of unwavering joy. A year I can look back on and think, "Thank God I am blessed with these moments that I can cherrish forever."
Until next we meet,
Respectuflly,
me
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Smelling Like A Cow Brought Me Joy
My name is Amanda, and I am a proud Plant Science kid. I majored in arboriculture in high school, I am majoring in General Horticulture for college, I work in a wholesale nursery, and I plan on running my own greenhouse crop production facility some day. What business do I have playing with dairy cattle all day?!
Well that is exactly what I did with this fine Thursday. I was one of the two State Officers at the Dairy Judging and Showmanship CDE. Now I had a brief experience with cows my freshman year of high school where we were required to take an introductory course in all possible majors (Animal, Plant, and Environmental). Aside from that, however, I do not spend much time around any sort of animal. Well... besides my dog, Noah. This year though I had my first real experience with livestock at the Livestock Judging CDE. It was the first CDE I went to as a State Officer, and I quickly got put in to the pig pen to keep them moving so the students could see them. I did the same with goats, sheep, and yes... cows! I am scared of cows. Let's just get that right out of the way. I am scared of cows and horses and pretty much MOST animals. Sorry! But I digress... back to TODAY!
Today I spent my day pretty much just keeping time and watching all the competitors do their thing. Not having to handle any of the cows, but walking around in their pies and getting nice and smelly. This lead me to two realizations: the smell of cows brings me some kind of strange joy, and I want to learn how to show an animal.
So let's talk about the smell. Yes, they stink. They totally stink. And I went home stinking to high Heaven myself. I sort of forgot and wore my jacket to dinner this evening, and it was enough to make my friends a little grossed out. But I have to admit, that smell brought me some kind of wierd sense of pride. I felt like, "I worked today. I worked hard and got dirty doing it." I felt that same pride this past summer on my lunch breaks. I used to go to Wendy's in my gross work clothes covered in mud from working in the nursery yard. While in line I got all kinds of dirty looks from nicely dressed, great-smelling men and women who have fancy jobs that require them to stay clean. NO THANKS! I loved the fact that I was covered in dirt, sweat, and Lord knows what plant matter. I really had to work hard and build up that grime! And that is how I feel when I come home smelling like animals. I felt that way back in high school, and that same sense of pride was triggered again today. I'm sorry if I'm not looking very classy, and trust me I appreciate wearing nice clothes and going to fancy events... but bless your heart if you think I'll be working any sort of coushy job where I don't get to play in the mud!
And now on to wanting to show an animal. Well, not too much to explain here. It's a recent discovery. I don't care too much what animal. I suppose something kind of small since I am so tiny and don't want to feel like I'm in danger, but honestly it doesn't matter much. Watching the members show the Jerseys today... I'm not sure. It set something off in my mind. They all seamed to be VERY proud of what they were doing. Also, I love personal experiences. Opportunities to be the best I can be all on my own, not relying on a team to pick up my slack. That is why I loved Cross Country running. It was just me. It's a rush, and I really want to get in to it. If anyone who reads this has any suggestions for me about doing this, PLEASE do not hesitate to give me some input.
If this seams all disjointed and confusing and not very well written, I apologize. I was up at 7:15 and it is now 11:45 and this is the first time today I have actually sat down to stop and rest.
Until next we meet,
Respectfully,
me
Well that is exactly what I did with this fine Thursday. I was one of the two State Officers at the Dairy Judging and Showmanship CDE. Now I had a brief experience with cows my freshman year of high school where we were required to take an introductory course in all possible majors (Animal, Plant, and Environmental). Aside from that, however, I do not spend much time around any sort of animal. Well... besides my dog, Noah. This year though I had my first real experience with livestock at the Livestock Judging CDE. It was the first CDE I went to as a State Officer, and I quickly got put in to the pig pen to keep them moving so the students could see them. I did the same with goats, sheep, and yes... cows! I am scared of cows. Let's just get that right out of the way. I am scared of cows and horses and pretty much MOST animals. Sorry! But I digress... back to TODAY!
Today I spent my day pretty much just keeping time and watching all the competitors do their thing. Not having to handle any of the cows, but walking around in their pies and getting nice and smelly. This lead me to two realizations: the smell of cows brings me some kind of strange joy, and I want to learn how to show an animal.
So let's talk about the smell. Yes, they stink. They totally stink. And I went home stinking to high Heaven myself. I sort of forgot and wore my jacket to dinner this evening, and it was enough to make my friends a little grossed out. But I have to admit, that smell brought me some kind of wierd sense of pride. I felt like, "I worked today. I worked hard and got dirty doing it." I felt that same pride this past summer on my lunch breaks. I used to go to Wendy's in my gross work clothes covered in mud from working in the nursery yard. While in line I got all kinds of dirty looks from nicely dressed, great-smelling men and women who have fancy jobs that require them to stay clean. NO THANKS! I loved the fact that I was covered in dirt, sweat, and Lord knows what plant matter. I really had to work hard and build up that grime! And that is how I feel when I come home smelling like animals. I felt that way back in high school, and that same sense of pride was triggered again today. I'm sorry if I'm not looking very classy, and trust me I appreciate wearing nice clothes and going to fancy events... but bless your heart if you think I'll be working any sort of coushy job where I don't get to play in the mud!
And now on to wanting to show an animal. Well, not too much to explain here. It's a recent discovery. I don't care too much what animal. I suppose something kind of small since I am so tiny and don't want to feel like I'm in danger, but honestly it doesn't matter much. Watching the members show the Jerseys today... I'm not sure. It set something off in my mind. They all seamed to be VERY proud of what they were doing. Also, I love personal experiences. Opportunities to be the best I can be all on my own, not relying on a team to pick up my slack. That is why I loved Cross Country running. It was just me. It's a rush, and I really want to get in to it. If anyone who reads this has any suggestions for me about doing this, PLEASE do not hesitate to give me some input.
If this seams all disjointed and confusing and not very well written, I apologize. I was up at 7:15 and it is now 11:45 and this is the first time today I have actually sat down to stop and rest.
Until next we meet,
Respectfully,
me
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