Procrastination, You Win Again

Ah, January. You're here, and you're not messing around. FFA is in full swing, I am back at school, and it's all just going to get harder from here. I am writing this right now when I really should be working on my state officer application essay.
Let's back track just a bit. The past few weeks have been so jam packed with FFA related events, my head spins just trying to keep track of everything I've done, everyone I've met, every ice breaker I lead, and every lesson I tried to teach. It started out with the Massachusetts Winter Leadership Camp which I have to say is probably one of my favorite weekends of the whole year! Members from all of the FFA chapters, along with new friends from 4H come for an over-night conference which consists of all kinds of fun activities to teach vuluable lessons. Friday night us State Officers tried to get them to start being nice and friendly by having them make "buckets" out of paper bags, and then fill their buckets by leaving kind notes in them throughout the entire conference. I know I personally left every single member a little note before they all left, and tried my hardest to make them as personal as possible. I know how thrilling it can be to recieve something like that.
Next came chapter visits. I had the privelege of visiting 3 of our chapters. All of them happened to be smaller chapters with approximately 15 members in each. Now I come from a high school with an FFA chapter consisting of 400+ members, and this smaller environment was new to me. I have to say I thought it was so much more fun!! I made some awesome new friends, and was blown away by the determination these students showed. They all had great ideas about gaining more community support, fundraising, and getting to National Convention for the first time next year. I'm genuinely excited for them!
Now comes the real fun! And by fun... I mean the time where I have to work my butt off harder than ever. As I mentioned, I'm back at UMass. For some crazy reason, I've set a goal to achieve straight A's this semester. This just so happens to be the time we prepare for State Convention. I have to start finding my judges and memorizing my ceromony parts. We are going to be meeting every Saturday from now until mid-March when we have convention, and I know I'm going to be losing sleep and not always being so chipper.
That last sentence leads me to the main point of this random babbling I am doing. I think sometimes people have unrealistic views of State Officers and National Officers. I understand and respect that we're suppose to set a good example. I keep my personality and even my facebook page as optimistic and respectable as possible, but there are certainly moments when shouting profanities from the top of a mountain seams like a mighty fine option. There are days that I have to go speak in front of members, and I may not be having the best week ever. I certainly have moments where I doubt myself and my abilities, and putting on a brave face isn't easy. I think it's important for people to understand we have genuine emotions and while 99.9% of the time we're going to be thrilled to be where ever we are, there are also times where we don't necessarily love ourselves. I know I sometimes focus on how much I am giving up, and all the time I am spending traveling around this state I love to meet members I respect. Ultimately though, it's worth it. It is so so SO worth it. Want to know why? Back at Leadership Camp, a member left a note in my bucket telling me she never had a role model until she met me. I am her role model and she hopes to be like me someday. THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! Someone in this world looks to me as their role model. My first thought; YIKES! HOLY CRAP! SHE'S CRAZY! I DON'T DESERVE THAT AT ALL! WHAT HAVE I EVER DONE THAT'S GREAT?! ...and then I become rational and think; Wow. God has blessed me with an incredible chance to impact and influence a group of people and shape a part of their life. And as scary as that is sometimes, I'm so happy and honored. I just pray every day that I am not letting them down or leading them down the wrong path. A quote I think of every single day is, "There are many ways to lead, but the most important way is by example." In addition to that, I remind myself, "Positive things happen to positive people." With these things in mind, I wake up every morning feeling greatful and go to bed every night knowing I made choices that I am proud of. Every action, every decision... I do that for the members. Past and present. Because I want more than anything to make the people around me proud. I want former national officers and former state officers to see me and think, "I set a good example. She learned good things by interacting with me" and be proud of themselves. I want my advisors to look at me and think, "I've instilled a sense of pride in Amanda, and her hard work ethic has a lot to do with my high expectations." And most importantly, I want members to look at me and think, "She loves me. She's proud of me. I want to influence someone the way she has influenced me."
And while I love working hard, while I love being a State Officer, while I love the members around me and want to always set the best possible example from them... please remember that I am human. I have flaws, and I make mistakes. But I promise I learn from them, and I promise I work so hard to make everyone proud. So accept me for everything I am, and don't be disappointed in me if you catch me in a moment of doubt or fear.

With incredible ammounts of love, til next we meet,
respectfully,
me